Time to raise my white flag...sooner or later....but not now. Anyhow there will always have a backup plan. It's no point doing things that people won't appreciate your stuff and even if I do it so hard people still can't see or feel it. I think I should go for a new world to discover new challenges and I rather get my ass fucked up in the outside world and I still get the things I want eventhough my ass is real pain. Now I just can't see or get the things I want even how good you are, maybe I'm the totally different from these human beings, different direction. I think I should go back the place where I supposed to be but not here. I'm the goddamn ugly duckling with a yellow duck family. Don't ask me what I'm talking here, I won't explain what is happening! Life is not fucking easy!

Just came back from some 'yum cha' sessions with my buddies, we chat alot about working life...what is happening in all their company..politics is the main thing, ALOT! Then I start to compare myself with them, why I can't be as active as them in working life. What is the problem with me? I always kept asking myself and kept blaming myself for all the mistakes. In the office, people all see me as 'not a serious' person...always like to joke around. But actually everything is just a fake, I was like forcing myself to do something that I don't actually know what the heck I'm doing. I really had a blurred future, don't know what is ahead of me...everything is just like a daily routine or responsible for that particular task. I'm still forcing myself really hard and always tell people don't become someone you are not and try to force yourself into someone that you are not. But actually, me myself is doing it. I don't think I can act natural for it, this is life...everyone had to face the reality!

Nothing much to update actually, just get frustrated with the streamyx connection today. And they said having problems with the international server or some shits. Anyway, I added some bloody background at the side there...hehe! It's late now and I'm not getting into bed yet cause of some downloads haven't finish at the moment. Anyway, I'm going to bed now and just wanna let you guys know that I'm not dead yet!